Dreamland

I've had some crazy dreams while pregnant and people keep telling me I ought to write them down. What better place than here?

1. The Take A Break From Pregnancy Dream. A few months ago I had a dream where I just needed to take a break. So I popped open a little hatch on my belly, reached in, and pulled out a perfectly clean, dressed, little baby. It looked like the baby that is in the looney tunes cartoons(not the one with the cigar!), had a big bonnet on, and was wearing one of those baby-creeper-gown things. We couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl, and we didn't look because we didn't want to spoil the surprise. We put it aside with every intention that we'd pop it back in the hatch in time to actually have the baby in November. People kept asking if we'd had the baby already, and I'd say 'no...., I just needed a break, so we took it out, and I'll be putting it back in in a couple of months...'

2. The Going Into Labor Dream. A few weeks ago I dreamed I was losing my mucus plug. The dream was so real and exciting that when I woke up I had to check to make sure that it hadn't actually happened! It hadn't, but it did get me really excited about labor an delivery finally being around the corner.

3. The Henry Calls Me And Tells Me I'm In Labor Dream. I'm driving alone in the Kaiser parking lot when Henry calls and says "you are in labor! you need to get home immediately to put the baby back in so you can give birth to it!" Panic and hilarity ensue.

I know I am forgetting some other good ones, but these have been the best.

So I am up in the wee hours again -- tossing and turning started at about three this morning and wasn't stopping so I just got up. Watched some TV, checked email, ate an apple, fed the cats, spent some more time in the baby space sorting clothing. I am so in love with all the tiny socks. I keep hearing that they aren't exactly practical, yet I love them so nonetheless. A coworker gave me some tiny sneakers, and I love those so much too. I can't wait to see the tiny fee that are going to wear those things -- they are going to be so wonderful! After I finish getting everything organized this weekend I'll take a few pictures -- the crib, which had caused me so much anxiety, looks cozy and inviting, and I'm just really liking spending time in that room right now.

We've got an appointment this morning with the midwife, and I need to ask her about all this swelling that just started a couple of days ago. My feet, ankles, and hands have just ballooned up beyond control, and they ache! The only thing that marginally helps is when Henry squeezes them -- oh sweet relief.

But I'm SOOO TIRED!! and I NEEEED to SLEEEEP!

About a year ago Henry and I went to see a movie -- Night at the Museum -- that arguably was made for kids more than adults. The only kid at the showing was probably 8 or 9 years old, and wow, was he bored/tired/over it... He kept fussing, and making exclamations of exhaustedness, culminating in bursting out with "but I'm SO TIRED and and I NEEEED to SLEEEEEP!!!!" It was so funny (much funnier than the movie), and ever since then Henry and I have made the phrase our own... And that's how I'm feeling right now.

It is 3:24 a.m. I woke up wide awake at 12:56 and here I am, watching the same stupid dog show I've already seen probably eight times during various bouts of insomnia throughout the pregnancy. And my lack of sleep is bringing out my inner snark, and I am sitting here watching dogs run around in circles, and wondering if there is a requirement for female doghandlers to wear ill fitting polyester suits and have dumpy hair? And oh please don't let me get started on the shoes! (see, I told you, the snark is coming out).

I guess it has been a while since posting. Things have been pretty busy with more baby prep and just general life moving along around here. About a week ago we had a really good appointment with the midwife who checked my cervix and said it is starting to thin out already, and it looks like progress is already being made. Her exact words were "looks like your baby is looking for a way out!" She wouldn't promise that I wouldn't carry the baby all the way to 40 weeks, but she also wouldn't promise a slightly early baby. She agreed it would be OK to work with my acupuncturist to bring on labor, she also said that in two weeks she'd be willing to strip my membranes, which is a technique that if done right can bring on labor. I've finally started to have braxton hicks contractions that actually hurt, and lots or cramping sensations as well, so I think my body is getting ready.

While it is exciting to think about, I am trying not to get my hopes up too much about the baby coming early. Because, if it doesn't, I'll wind up way disappointed. Not only am I really sick of being pregnant, I have crossed a line from being merely curious to meet the baby to really, really wanting to see it, hold it, talk to it, squeeze it, get to know it, and begin the lifelong unfolding.

What I really can't get my head around tonight is that after waiting for it for months and months, this baby really is around the corner. November is only a few days away! Only three and a half weeks to go to the due date! How did that happen? I've only got two more weeks of work yet, and I never thought that deadline would come. Now it is looming nearer every second. On the home front, Henry put together a changing table last weekend and plans to put the crib together this weekend. We've basically moved all the furniture we need to move, and as a result, the apartment is basically ready. I've got a couple of projects in the works -- for instance I still haven't finished that quilt or the teeny weeny sweater, and now I've cooked up ideas for a couple more crafty projects I'd like to whip up before the baby comes. Is this the beginning of nesting?

Basically, I think we are pretty much prepared. I've done all the reading I plan to do on natural labor, and am feeling largely ready for that challenge. We meet with our doula this weekend to talk about our plans. We've taken our childbirth prep class and new born care class. We've got a couple more classes to take, and a few other logistics to arrange, but basically we are ready around here. (ok, talk to me again tomorrow when I am reeling from sleep deprivation -- I may feel differently then!).

Did I mention anywhere in here yet that I am actually really looking forward to going into labor? And that I am actually really looking forward to the experience of labor and delivery? When I tell this to people they think I am nuts, but I'm dead serious -- I think it is going to be absolutely amazing and mind blowing and I can't wait to experience it. I'm trying not to get too attached to any one "plan" in particular, other than healthy baby and mama when it is all over, but I have to admit, I will be pretty disappointed in the end if this kiddo can't be born vaginally. All signs point to 'yes', though -- the head seems to still be down, and every day I feel sharp pains way down deep in my body, that have been explained to me as being the baby's head butting up against the cervix. And it has found a new use for its feet -- swiping them across my torso, just under my boobs, like windshield wipers.