We are in a post-xmas haze around here. Henry's family has come and gone, we had a great time with them, and are still so glad they were able to make the trip again so soon after thanksgiving. We're feeling a bit zonked, though, but things are still really wonderful. Almost two weeks has passed since my last entry, and I didn't want much more time to go by before posting again, but I'm not feeling all that eloquent these days, so I'll just list some highlights.
Hank has become really smiley in the last few days. On xmas morning Henry and I were hovering over him at his changing table and he really and truly SMILED at us both -- real, full, giant, genuine, happy smiles! This was the best christmas gift. Hank has sort of smiled here and there, but this was the first 'hey! I know you and I LIKE you!' smile we've seen. Melted my heart.
On the flip side, today Hank had his first super sad face. He was bundled into his baby bucket ready to go out to breakfast, and he was so unhappy. His lower lip was pushed out over his upper lip, and he just looked soooo sad to be in his bucket. This face just broke my heart! Henry said to me "He's playing you like a two dollar fiddle!"
Another first in the last couple of weeks was rolling from front to back during tummy time! That's been pretty exciting. Especially when he realizes what he's done and wants to do it again and somehow has communicated to us that he wants us to put him back on his tummy so he do it again.
And of course it was Hank's first xmas. He made out like a bandit, the little devil. Everyone likes to give presents to babies.
In other news, breastfeeding is still causing me woes. I decided to stop taking the reglan, because I think it was causing me to feel somewhat depressed. I've been off it for 24 hours now, and I really do feel better already. I'm using fenugreek still (and smell like pancakes as a result), and have added blessed thistle and a mother's milk tincture to the routine. Those things seem to be helping and making a difference. However, I'm still finding breastfeeds really stressful. Hank pulls off a lot, has been having trouble getting a good latch lately, cries out while trying to eat, feeds very frantically, and pulls and chews at my nipples. It really leaves me feeling flustered. I find that when I give him a bottle I enjoy the time and the feeding so much more than I do when he's on the boob. As a result, I've rented a hospital grade breast pump and I am going to start doing some feeds with bottles of expressed breast milk instead of the boob at each feeding. I'm hoping that as a result I'll be able to relax a little about the breastfeeding, but at the same time I'm also sort of wishing that I could just make the decision to wean and use formula exclusively. Would that really be so wrong? There's a lot of guilt just in thinking that thought, but it is honestly what I've been thinking these days. There's a lot of pressure to breastfeed exclusively and to keep trying even when it can be so difficult. And the actually goal -- FEED THE BABY -- seems to get lost in some of that. I'm still grateful for the one lactation consultant who told me that my only requirement is that I feed the baby. Just feed the baby. So I just feed the baby. Some days he gets more formula, some days he gets more booby. Somedays it will be pumped, somedays it won't. And someday I'll just be able to make a decision about how he's fed.
In better news, a few days ago I realized just how head over heels in love I am with Hank. It is a totally different kind of love than I have ever experienced before, and it is so so neat. I really feel these days that I would do anything in the world for him.
Well look at that. I was feeling more eloquent that I thought I was.
Hank has become really smiley in the last few days. On xmas morning Henry and I were hovering over him at his changing table and he really and truly SMILED at us both -- real, full, giant, genuine, happy smiles! This was the best christmas gift. Hank has sort of smiled here and there, but this was the first 'hey! I know you and I LIKE you!' smile we've seen. Melted my heart.
On the flip side, today Hank had his first super sad face. He was bundled into his baby bucket ready to go out to breakfast, and he was so unhappy. His lower lip was pushed out over his upper lip, and he just looked soooo sad to be in his bucket. This face just broke my heart! Henry said to me "He's playing you like a two dollar fiddle!"
Another first in the last couple of weeks was rolling from front to back during tummy time! That's been pretty exciting. Especially when he realizes what he's done and wants to do it again and somehow has communicated to us that he wants us to put him back on his tummy so he do it again.
And of course it was Hank's first xmas. He made out like a bandit, the little devil. Everyone likes to give presents to babies.
In other news, breastfeeding is still causing me woes. I decided to stop taking the reglan, because I think it was causing me to feel somewhat depressed. I've been off it for 24 hours now, and I really do feel better already. I'm using fenugreek still (and smell like pancakes as a result), and have added blessed thistle and a mother's milk tincture to the routine. Those things seem to be helping and making a difference. However, I'm still finding breastfeeds really stressful. Hank pulls off a lot, has been having trouble getting a good latch lately, cries out while trying to eat, feeds very frantically, and pulls and chews at my nipples. It really leaves me feeling flustered. I find that when I give him a bottle I enjoy the time and the feeding so much more than I do when he's on the boob. As a result, I've rented a hospital grade breast pump and I am going to start doing some feeds with bottles of expressed breast milk instead of the boob at each feeding. I'm hoping that as a result I'll be able to relax a little about the breastfeeding, but at the same time I'm also sort of wishing that I could just make the decision to wean and use formula exclusively. Would that really be so wrong? There's a lot of guilt just in thinking that thought, but it is honestly what I've been thinking these days. There's a lot of pressure to breastfeed exclusively and to keep trying even when it can be so difficult. And the actually goal -- FEED THE BABY -- seems to get lost in some of that. I'm still grateful for the one lactation consultant who told me that my only requirement is that I feed the baby. Just feed the baby. So I just feed the baby. Some days he gets more formula, some days he gets more booby. Somedays it will be pumped, somedays it won't. And someday I'll just be able to make a decision about how he's fed.
In better news, a few days ago I realized just how head over heels in love I am with Hank. It is a totally different kind of love than I have ever experienced before, and it is so so neat. I really feel these days that I would do anything in the world for him.
Well look at that. I was feeling more eloquent that I thought I was.
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