I've been back at work for a few weeks now, and I won't lie, there have been some really hard days, days when I find myself really questioning if it is all worth it -- building/having/starting a career, trying to have it "all" and not really even knowing what "all" is... Today was one of those days. I spent all day running to catch up and feeling like nothing I do is ever good enough, that work suffers, home suffers, nothing thrives the way it should or could. I put Hank to bed this evening and rested my hand on his tummy and he laid there looking up at me with his sweet, sleepy face and I just felt myself begging -- 'let me do right by you, little mister. I hope I do right by you.' Motherhood is a terribly challenging job. and sometimes I worry I'm not good at it.
***
April was a really fun month. We took a vacation! We've been places together before, but this was our first real family vacation. We roadtripped down the coast to San Diego, saw my sweet friend Jessica get married, and went east to the desert. Hank did great -- he was a real trooper. Considering how much time we spent in the car, he was remarkably pleasant and happy the whole time. Some favorite moments that I'm afraid I'll forget:
-- running on the beach in Cambria. Hank's first really trip to the beach. He flirted with the waves, dug in the sand, explored the seaweed, and ran and ran and ran. It was lovely.
-- hotels. Hank LOVES hotels! LOVES them. Loves jumping on the beds, playing with the fans, opening and closing the doors, fiddling with the corded phones.
-- Henry all dressed up. He wore a tuxedo to the wedding and looked dashing. It was nice to have a grown up, dressed up evening, leaving Hank with a sitter.
-- ice cream bar. In Borrego Springs, temperature 104 degrees, I left Hank and Henry in the car for a moment while I ran into a five and dime to buy a couple of postcards. It was soooo hot, and we had just completed a four mile hike to an oasis. we'd made one quick stop for popsicles already, and when I got back to the car, Henry had given Hank his ice cream bar. Needless to say, Hank and the carseat were both drenched in melted ice cream and Hank could not have been happier. Henry had even asked him at one point if he could have a bite, and Hank said "NO!"
-- driving to Big Sur through Fort Hunter-Ligget. This has got to be one of the most beautiful pieces of California, if not the entire United States and it is right in our back yard. You cut over to Hwy 1 from 101 right over the Los Padres mountains. We wound our way through these wonderful roads -- flowers and trees and streams and meadows, climbing all the while, when suddenly the earth just opened up and we were on top of the world -- all we could see in front of us and below was the Pacific Ocean and all we could think was "how in the world are we going to get down there from way up here??" It was amazing.
-- stopping in Julian, CA for lunch. This is a really cute, quaint little western town with lots of shops and restaurants on a main drag, very popular with bikers. we had lunch and then walked up the road a bit to meet a huge horse. I bent down to help Hank meet the horse and next thing I knew the horse had decided that my hair was lunch. Just a little scary. A moment later, it had decided that HANK'S hair was lunch!
-- Scripps Aquarium in San Diego. You have not experienced joy until you have visited an aquarium with a toddler. Sardines!! Sardines!!! Tide pool!!! TIDE POOL!! SARDIIIINES!! Oh he had so much fun he hardly knew what hit him.
There were so many other nice things that happened this April -- a lovely Easter Egg hunt out in Briones Regional Park with friends, a potluck dinner at Katie's, lots of lovely time with family, Henry's birthday, but a lot details have already slipped away. I wish I had more time to keep the blog up to date, but I guess this will have to do. I've taken tons of pictures, too. I just need to liberate them from my camera. Once I do, I'm sure they will bring back some of the memories that have already faded.
No comments:
Post a Comment