Ready to GO!

Ready to GO!, originally uploaded by allthingssara.

So we've been keeping the Hank-Star on the move as of late. He's always got his pockets full with his paci and his cell phone so he can be reached and change his plans at a moment's notice... just kidding... He was just holding on to my phone for me, as that pocket was just the right size. (Why exactly does a baby need pockets?? Most of his clothes have them... including a fantastic little pair of jeans that look like a big pair of jeans that was just shrunken down to Hank-size, with pockets and everything...)

Just this week we've been to yoga, on several errands, on two three mile walks, out to a pakistani restaurant with grandma and grandpa, to a concert at Freight and Salvage -- and that was just before Thursday morning! Today we go to our regular moms' group and try out an additional one in the afternoon. Then we have toget ourselves ready for our trip to Yosemite tomorrow! Yep, we are taking Hank on his first road trip.

Hope everything on our road trip goes smoothly... I'm mostly worried about disrupting what has become a really good sleep pattern for Hank. He tends to go down every night at about 9:30. If he wakes in the middle of the night, it is usually around 4:00, then he goes back down about 45minutes later for another few hours. He's been doing this pretty consistently for the last couple of weeks. Although I still would kill for one ENTIRE night of sleep for myself, this is so much better than it was before, so I can't really complain.

My other worry for our road trip is keeping my milk supply up. I find it really har to nurse Hank when I'm not at home, and I know that in order to keep my supply, as paltry as it is, in its current condition, I need to nurse him most times that he is fed. I hope I can find enough warm, private-ish places to nurse him when we are out and about. As it is I've noticed this week that my milk supply is even lower than it was before, and that my milk may indeed be drying up. I'm not worried about Hank, he's gotten so much good stuff already, and he takes the bottle without any problem, but I do feel a little sad about the way breastfeeding has gone for us. Oh well... I did everything I could, my body just didn't cooperate, and that is going to have to be OK. A lot of women would have just given up.

Going to a concert with Hank was really fun. We went to see Chuck Brodsky at the Freight and Salvage, a forty-year old coffee house/performance space that is frequented by lots of folk artists. It is quintessential Berkeley Hippie Dippie, and we really like to take in shows there. Hank really enjoys music and Brodsky is mellow and his music is great for a baby (and grown up alike, of course). I wore Hank in the Baby Hawk for most of the show so that I could calm him easilly, and that worked out great. We strolled and swayed around the coffee house, listening to the music, while Hank started in awe and in wonderment at the cut out snowflakes which stood out in their whiteness against the Freight's black walls.

You should see his face when he notices something like the white snowflakes on the black walls -- his eyes are so open and fixed and bright, his mouth hangs slightly open, as if he is just soaking as much as he possibly can into his brain and thinking, wondering, what this amazing sight possibly could be? It must be amazing to be a passenger of life at eleven weeks old. I can only imagine how awe-inspiring development is. How wonderful it must be to be delighted by such simple visions. He is discovering new things at a rate that is unimaginable to me. A few days ago he started reaching at things with intention, rather than by accident, and to see the Light of Understanding go off in his brain is incredible! I continue to be fascinated by this little boy.

In mama land, I noticed on Monday that I was getting really irritable, for no good reason. I kicked the garage door when I was having trouble with the lock, felt extraordinarilly flustered walking into yoga just as it was getting started, and surprisingly irritated that I had to be a mother to my son during the class, rather than just enjoy my yoga class. I was so upset about how I had felt and I couldn't get rid of this anxious, irritable quality to my day. All was clear the next day when I started my first period -- I had forgotten what PMS was like!! It was worse than I remembered!

I'm having really mixed feelings about things getting back to normal in that department. On the one hand I'm glad everything seems to be working well again. On the other hand, this marks the end of what has been perhaps my most extraordinary year -- the year of becoming a mother. I'll have another child, but I'll never experience all this for the first time again. Even with the hard pregnancy, I wouldn't trade my experience for anything in the world. Becoming Hank's mommy has been such a wonderful transformation in my life, and the experiences that have unfolded over the course of the last twelve months are memories I'll always be grateful for. In some respects I feel that I have been through a metamorphosis of some kind, and through it I have found my true purpose in life. My only regret is that I didn't start this blog sooner.

I know that I am going to continue to develop as a mother for the rest of my life, but this year, this trial by fire of pregnancy and the Fourth Trimester, has added whole new dimensions to my personality that I just love. I love you Hank! I love being your mommy!

Well, with that I must go see how my snoozy boy is faring and get us packed up for our day of fun ahead. I think we'll start it off with a stroll to get some coffee for mama.