End of an era?

Tonight is my last night of my maternity leave. I had a pretty good weekend, knowing that Monday would be marking the end of a really cool chapter in my life. I took Henry to the City where we rented a GoCar as his birthday surprise and we spent a quality afternoon zipping and zooming through the Presidio, Golden Gate Park, past the Cliff House, down Lombard Street, and everywhere in between in our little yellow open top car. My parents watched Hank and we joined them at the end of the day for naps and dinner. It was a great Saturday. Today I had brunch with two girlfriends -- one of whom is having her first baby in September, and the other one has a three year old. It was fun to talk baby for a morning and pass Hank around, but by the time we got home I was feeling pretty tired and a little anxious about tomorrow. I don't know if it was teething or the heat or just being aware of my anxiety, but Hank was in quite a mood for much of the day. I've been trying really hard to keep a lid on my stress about going back to work, because I don't want it to rub off on him at all. But I'm sure he feels it nonetheless.

It isn't that I don't want to go back to work, because I do. I just wish I could keep him with me all the time still. Hank's become my little sidekick and I can hardly imagine spending so much time away from him during the week. But obviously this day has to come at some point, right? I mean, he can't be seventeen years old and still have me hanging him in the air by his feet and blowing zrrbts on his tummy... right? Separation has to begin somewhere? So I guess that part of growing up starts now? Seems so soon.

Anyway, those are some thoughts for this stuffy Sunday evening. Hopefully this heat will lift and we'll all feel a lot more positive tomorrow. As for now, I'm feeling a little sad about all this change, about my kiddo growing up so fast; and some nostalgia for how little he used to be. Thank goodness I've stored so many pictures of Hank on the internet, so there will be plenty to look at from work.