We took a weekend trip to Big Sur in March. It was lovely to be there again, but I couldn't help comparing and contrasting how things were the last time we had been there with the way things are right now. We were in the aftermath of that sucky miscarriage and this time here I was all pregnant and stuff. Life really can take turns, and things can change so much from year to year. We hiked along the same river we always hike along, to the same beach we always hike to. Last time we did that hike, as we were gathering ourselves to hike back to the trailhead, a hugely pregnant woman appeared on the beach, making me feel like I couldn't begin the return hike quickly enough. The river we hiked along reminded me so much of the mizuko jizo ceremony we had participated in, and mediated on the concept of life flowing in and out like tides. This visit I felt the same meditation as we hiked along the river, but this time I was the pregnant woman arriving on the beach. I still wasn't feeling 100% confident at that time, but I was finally starting to relax into things a bit, and my mood gave the weekend a calm contemplative vibe, and it was really very nice.
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